© Copyright 2011 by 45 Mike Anderson. All rights reserved.
I’d like to thank Tamara Child for the inspiration to write this manual.
Short Foreword:
The presence of zombies is a continued threat to human existence, make NO mistake, they are dangerous. I assume that if you are reading this, you are NOT a zombie, as it is obvious that zombies only desire seem to be biting, eating and destroying humans.
Use extreme caution, I encourage abstinence. At a minimum, use eye protection, and a mask that covers nose and mouth, gloves and a condom.
There are 3 Chapters in this manual, covering the three possible zombie sex combinations.
1. Human – zombie sex
2. Zombie – human sex (short chapter)
3. Zombie – zombie sex
I finish with an Afterword
1. Human – zombie sex
My first thought is DON’T DO IT!! However I realize that some people are just not going to heed that advice and will invariably make some attempt to have sex with a zombie. In that light, I have to assume that you have captured and secured a zombie.
Remember, use personal protection! Goggles, mask and gloves and of course a condom. If you are female, there are barrier devices available for your use, I highly recommend their use as well as a barrier on the zombie!
Securing your zombie properly is your first task, you should not risk sex with an older zombie in ANY circumstance! We have learned through painful experience that the older a zombie gets, they are much more likely to simply shred and discard their rotting limbs in their manic attempts to bite, eat and destroy humans. Get a fresh zombie, the fresher the better!
At a minimum you will want a strap across the forehead, a chin strap, and a ball gag. You must understand that you will not want your zombie to have any chance whatsoever to bite you or infect you with saliva! A chest strap, and a belly strap are required as well. Be certain these are extremely tight and secure. Do NOT be concerned about whether the zombie can breathe, they don’t need to breathe!
Next is at least two straps on each arm and leg. If the zombie is female, you will likely want to use spreader bars for the legs. Be certain those bars are carefully secured as well!
It seems unlikely that you would have had an opportunity to strip your zombie at the time of capture, and of course at the least you would want access to breasts on a female and the pubic region on either gender.
We have heard reports of people who attempted to secure their zombie, and in the heat of things get careless and attempt to strip the zombie by loosening the straps and removing the clothing. Most of those attempts turned into disasters, and the human got bitten, or infected. Don’t do that! Use scissors or other cutting tools or implements to cut the clothing away that is in the way! Under no circumstance should you loosen any securing strap once your zombie is secured.
Need we say that having any zombie perform oral sex on a human is just a stupid way to get turned into a zombie. DON’T DO IT!!!
Male zombies don’t seem to have any sexual response, and there are no recorded instances of an erectile response, EXCEPT in those rare instances that a human has been infected, but has not yet turned into a zombie. There seems to be a short window of opportunity there for a female human to get a zombie erection for her pleasure. The problem of course is that during a zombie attack is not really a good time to be thinking about a romantic interlude with a zombie.
Female zombies, are similar to male zombies in this respect, no sexual response seems possible, except during that brief time between infection and when they become full zombies. Human males should be able to handle this situation if you have ever had occasion to live with a human female for any length of time during a cycle of PMS.
For human males, the female zombie offers several interesting differences and sexual opportunities. For instance, because zombies begin rotting almost immediately, there is rarely any need for additional lubrication. A very fresh zombie will still have breasts, vagina and anal features that are indistinguishable from a human, as they age however the breasts become quite mushy and could rupture under moderate manipulation. The vagina and anal cavities lose elasticity and may not offer enough stimulation for you. In this case you may wish to merely use a sharp tool, make a small incision and use the new hole to finish off.
I should not have to mention that performing or attempting to perform oral sex on a zombie is just another ridiculously insane way of turning yourself into a zombie.
USE a CONDOM!!!
2. Zombie – human sex
(short chapter)
As discussed in the previous chapter, zombies have NO sexual interest in a human. NONE. Their only interest is to bite, eat and destroy humans.
However, again, there is a short window of time after infection and before turning that a zombie “could” have and exhibit sexual interest in a human. This is an extremely dangerous situation for an unsuspecting human, as the zombie is in fact fully infectious, and could turn at any moment. Fortunately it turns out that a freshly infected zombie seems to be interested in getting away from humans so that they will remain undiscovered until they do turn. There is no recorded instance of an un-turned zombie remaining in the presence of a human with sexual intent.
We would be most interested in receiving substantiated reports if this occurs, along with details of the results.
3. Zombie – zombie sex
There are no recorded instances of zombie – zombie sex.
We would appreciate receiving substantiated reports of this and details of the results.
Afterword:
Obviously this is not a pleasant subject to consider for many of us. We mean no offense, however we feel that the subject should be dealt with in an objective manner to help protect the remaining humans from possible infection in the case where sexual curiosity overcomes common sense. Thank you for your patience and indulgence in our endeavor to treat the matter with respectful caution.
45 Mike