(C) Copyright 6-27-10 by 45 Mike
Ahh, well, some days I just have to force my mind to think of something else. Anyways I started by thinkin bout being naked in the woods, then thought it would be nice to have a girl there. Then she ended up in a graveyard, just because that’s kinda creepy. She was dancing, but why? How did she get naked? It must have been at night cuz girls generally won’t be seen naked in a graveyard, (although if that is something you wanna do, let me know, I’d love to take pictures!) Why was he dead? etc. etc. Things changed as it went on paper.
A few days ago I got a good look at my reflection in a window, and I noticed that looked really pissed off, and really I wasn’t I was almost kinda happy actually, but I was not wearing my glasses, so I was squinting pretty hard. I can see pretty good out to about 15 to 20 feet. Beyond that I see blurry fuzzy shapes. I really need bifocals, cuz when I wear my glasses I can’t focus closer than about 3 feet. If I’m eating or reading I just take them off. I mention this because I went out to eat at Finnegans a couple weeks ago. I thought I noticed someone looking at me and I wondered if I knew them, kinda that feeling that I should recognize them, but I was not wearing my glasses, so I squinted really hard to see if I could see any features that made sense. So if I was looking really angry at you at Finnegans, I was not, I just couldn’t fucking see! LOL.
In the Twilight books, book 4, “Breaking Dawn”, there is a description of how Jacob felt when he first looked into the eyes of Renesmee. Every time I read that part I’m reminded of the parallel of my first day at Teletech. Steel cables, immediate and inescapable shift of focus and center of the universe. For Jacob, he was somewhat ready for it, and he didn’t freak out, even though it must have been quite a shock. I was NOT ready for that, nor was I looking for it, and I sure didn’t want it to happen at work. I fought and struggled with that for weeks, weeks turned into months, now months have turned into years. Yep 5 1/2 years, every damned day, and vivid dreams 2 or three times a month.
Honestly, I’ve given up fighting it and come to accept it as just another part of my life I have to deal with. More or less comfortable with feeling like home is somewhere I’ve never lived, familiar sounds, sights and scents that I’ve never experienced, weird. So yeah, I must be at least partially insane to deal with that. Wacko. LOL
I think I need to get a weed wacker, I seriously doubt my lawn mower would survive if I tried cutting this jungle down at this point.
I think I’m going to pack up the woof, and a Tolkein book I’m reading and head up to the mountains for a while today. Yesterday I slept most most of the day, woof is not happy with me. I didn’t even eat anything all day, maybe I’ll stop and grab breakfast at mcdonalds on my way outta town.
ok, I’m gone, hugz
45